Dan is slightly less depressed, aggressive and neurotic. He has left work. The consequences of this include me becoming increasingly more depressed, anxious and neurotic.
To celebrate, he went out drinking last weekend. All last weekend. From Friday night to Monday morning. And although he has been slightly home this weekend, there is a fairly similar pattern of behaviour.
I cancelled our celebration dinner on Sunday night after I came home after swimming on Sunday morning with the three children who hadn't seen him since Friday afternoon to find him (I thought) having a bath and a coffee to sober up. I was wrong, he was merely brushing his teeth before going back to the pub for the rest of the afternoon.
I am incredibly cross, I am so cross I nearly rang my mother-in-law. I have no idea what good that would have done, he hasn't done what she has said since 1982. I had a bit of a whinge to my latte friends in the week and they all said the same thing; don't put up with it, don't know how you stand it, my (insert status here) wouldn't get away with that.
I really do not know what that means. I don't know what my alternative is, I don't deal with conflict well and have never had much success with arguing in general. And I have realised it is all my fault.I have cause this entire situation and I suspect I am not the only one.
This is because I, like many women, cope. We get on with it. We manage. Husband tells you he's left his job? You cope. Life-threatening illness? Move on. Run out of money on the 10th of the month? Feed a family of 5 on a £10 Sainsbury's voucher you earned from a survey website. My husband is a competent, sensible, intelligent man and is perfectly capable of managing the family in the event of my death but he doesn't need to. I have encouraged and supported that ... well that lack of support.
How did it happen? I didn't mean it to, I am not sure how I got here and I am not sure how to get out of it. What would he do if I just didn't come back from the pub on a Friday night instead of being back at ten prompt to pay the babysitter and do the ironing? He will never know. It will never happen. He can stay out all day because he knows our children will be dressed, fed, delivered to ballet, parties, school. Their home work will be supervised and their lunch will be made. Their sheets will be clean, their beds will be made, their school uniform will be ironed, named and in their drawer ready. For that matter, so will his.
I'm too competent. I am brilliant. I am supermum. It's all my fault.
