Tonight I watched my daughter walk home from a big night out. She was staggering down the street in front of me, swigging from a bottle in knee high boots and a skirt so short it almost made her dad cry. Her tights were abandoned,as she was "Too warm" and she was giggling and shrieking with the thrills of the night.
She is 5. It was her first school family disco. Family in this case being me, Max, Rex and her. Even the thought of it was all too much for Daddy, after a week that has included Ofsted and the Playstation crashing.
I wasn't the only one, although there was a very impressive turn out of enthusiastic fathers huddled in corners or checking their phones at table, there were many mummies like me, quietly nursing a plastic cup full of wine and being upstaged by the Omnimothers of the PTA simultaneously showing the girls how to do the Macarena, cleaning up Fruit Shoot spills and serving hot dogs and penny sweets.
It was marvellous, actually. Fascinating to watch the children having such a fantastic time with so little self-consciousness. Maybe it's because we live somewhere fairly quiet, but there was also a pleasing lack of mini-mileys, which, innocent or not, I always find a bit disturbing on MBFGypsy Wedding.
I even managed to resist the temptation to stop her dancing to Thicke. Can't promise I'll be doing that again.
I must have another few years of that before the first scene becomes more sinister. Ten? Eight maybe? I'm going to make sure I go to every school disco from now on.
Friday 25 October 2013
Monday 14 October 2013
G - too much T and A
I may have reached rock bottom. I needed to pay a cheque into the bank today. I couldn't afford the stamp to post it, or the petrol to drive there.
I then the spent the evening watching Dan apparently shagging some skanky tart. Of course it wasn't really him, it was his nasty little character on a rather violent computer game. Still, all a bit weird don't you think? And is it offensive for me to call a computer image either skanky or a tart? It also helps to make sense of the complete lack of empathy my year 10 boys feel towards Curley's wife. "Well, she's a ho Miss. A slapper. A tart. She deserves it. She shouldn't be playing around."
I know, it seems very wrong to blame video games for violent attitudes. I don't believe that. Fundamentally violence has been around as long as...well...survival, surely. That makes sense. And I know there will always those people who use "Catcher in the Rye" or "Natural Born Killers" as the inspiration for some horrendous crime. That does not represent the majority of the people.
But I feel very uncomfortable watching those games, the average 35 year old gamer using these extreme games to escape from the daily grind, the responsibility of life. The average 15 year old who is playing these 18-rated game has nothing to escape from. They already have no responsibility. Their attitude to crime, to women, to life is formed partly by what is represented from these games.
It is not merely the scantily clad women, designed by men who rarely come into contact with real women in real life, it is also the lack of any positive representations of women. I saw one woman in a low cut suit and glasses demonstrating that women can be clever too, boys. I could go on about the one black character I saw committing a range of violent crime.
I'm going to complain. To someone. I'm not sure who. As soon as I've finished ironing this shirt.
I then the spent the evening watching Dan apparently shagging some skanky tart. Of course it wasn't really him, it was his nasty little character on a rather violent computer game. Still, all a bit weird don't you think? And is it offensive for me to call a computer image either skanky or a tart? It also helps to make sense of the complete lack of empathy my year 10 boys feel towards Curley's wife. "Well, she's a ho Miss. A slapper. A tart. She deserves it. She shouldn't be playing around."
I know, it seems very wrong to blame video games for violent attitudes. I don't believe that. Fundamentally violence has been around as long as...well...survival, surely. That makes sense. And I know there will always those people who use "Catcher in the Rye" or "Natural Born Killers" as the inspiration for some horrendous crime. That does not represent the majority of the people.
But I feel very uncomfortable watching those games, the average 35 year old gamer using these extreme games to escape from the daily grind, the responsibility of life. The average 15 year old who is playing these 18-rated game has nothing to escape from. They already have no responsibility. Their attitude to crime, to women, to life is formed partly by what is represented from these games.
It is not merely the scantily clad women, designed by men who rarely come into contact with real women in real life, it is also the lack of any positive representations of women. I saw one woman in a low cut suit and glasses demonstrating that women can be clever too, boys. I could go on about the one black character I saw committing a range of violent crime.
I'm going to complain. To someone. I'm not sure who. As soon as I've finished ironing this shirt.
Tuesday 8 October 2013
I don't want to be an MP.
I heard someone on Woman's Hour http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b007qlvb today assert a statistic about female politicians in the UK. I have just tried to look it up but all I could find was a figure implying that between 1977 and 1986; 40% of women MPS had children. (Women and Politics Worldwide ed Barbara J Nelson).
Obviously this discussion was taking place against the background of the cabinet and shadow cabinet re shuffles last night and this morning. The suggestion seems to be that young women / women with children are under represented, and that those discussing issues that may affect them are inexperienced in the areas that could be siginificant, for example - childcare; although some of us would like to think that there is more to our lives than this. (They are, of course, wrong.)
How could we get more women into politics? Louise Bagshawe couldn't handle it, and although Cherie and Samantha, Sarah and Miriam seem to have coped, I imagine they had some help. I am interested in politics but the way parliament is run seems ludicrous. The hours worked are ridiculous, the London-centric focus impractical and the demands that I imagine are made on these people impossible.
Depressed, Anxious and Neurotic husband arrived back by 7 0 clock this evening. We were late eating dinner, so we still ate together although it then took 2 hours to get the children into bed and since the dishwasher is broken, I did not leave the kitchen until 10:30pm. Seven doesn't seem unreasonable although Dan's father still cannot understand why he doesn't pick up the phone at 3:35 since "He only works til 3 doesn't he?"
A few years ago I tried to finish my work at school before I left for home. They kicked you out at 6 but it was usually possible. I have single/childless/married to normal people friends who still do the same. Nowadays I leave with the school buses - more or less - in order to race back and collect my children from the childminder's before I have to pay another £15. After all I work a 0.75 timetable so I only have to work 75% of the evenings right? That is also possible. (Take note Mr Gove; if you're going to penalise me for racing out of the gate at 3:40 you can weigh the bag I carry home.)
In other words, there are other ways to work. It isn't about tweaking things to make it possible for young mums to "fit in" to the pre-existing system. There may be a better way to do it. Even the Daily Mail admits that "The poll also found that 55 per cent of the teachers quizzed said they regularly did 56 hours a week during term time - and even taking account of ‘holiday time’, the average amount of hours teachers do each week is 48.3."
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2159173/70-teachers-nighter-prepare-lessons-according-survey-teaching-magazine-concludes-hours-rest-us.html
And when you hear about the hours that those young city boys and girls work, moving straight from the office to the bar and back to the office to make high-pressured decisions, it does seem that something is wrong.
That does not support family time or mothers or children and explains why women are often faced with very difficult choices when it comes to employment. What I can't figure out is why men are not faced with those same choices.
As far as I can tell, it is no more acceptable for fathers to be working those hours either. We shouldn't be changing the system to be supporting women, we should be changing this system to support families. Women can't compete with their male counterparts working silly hours to suggest it is necessary to do so.
I don't think that as women, or feminists, we should be asking for better childcare provision for our jobs, we should be expecting anyone who has children to put the hours in at home.
Until our expectations of men improve, we can't expect equality of opportunity, or expect comprehensive representation in parliament.
Obviously this discussion was taking place against the background of the cabinet and shadow cabinet re shuffles last night and this morning. The suggestion seems to be that young women / women with children are under represented, and that those discussing issues that may affect them are inexperienced in the areas that could be siginificant, for example - childcare; although some of us would like to think that there is more to our lives than this. (They are, of course, wrong.)
How could we get more women into politics? Louise Bagshawe couldn't handle it, and although Cherie and Samantha, Sarah and Miriam seem to have coped, I imagine they had some help. I am interested in politics but the way parliament is run seems ludicrous. The hours worked are ridiculous, the London-centric focus impractical and the demands that I imagine are made on these people impossible.
Depressed, Anxious and Neurotic husband arrived back by 7 0 clock this evening. We were late eating dinner, so we still ate together although it then took 2 hours to get the children into bed and since the dishwasher is broken, I did not leave the kitchen until 10:30pm. Seven doesn't seem unreasonable although Dan's father still cannot understand why he doesn't pick up the phone at 3:35 since "He only works til 3 doesn't he?"
A few years ago I tried to finish my work at school before I left for home. They kicked you out at 6 but it was usually possible. I have single/childless/married to normal people friends who still do the same. Nowadays I leave with the school buses - more or less - in order to race back and collect my children from the childminder's before I have to pay another £15. After all I work a 0.75 timetable so I only have to work 75% of the evenings right? That is also possible. (Take note Mr Gove; if you're going to penalise me for racing out of the gate at 3:40 you can weigh the bag I carry home.)
In other words, there are other ways to work. It isn't about tweaking things to make it possible for young mums to "fit in" to the pre-existing system. There may be a better way to do it. Even the Daily Mail admits that "The poll also found that 55 per cent of the teachers quizzed said they regularly did 56 hours a week during term time - and even taking account of ‘holiday time’, the average amount of hours teachers do each week is 48.3."
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2159173/70-teachers-nighter-prepare-lessons-according-survey-teaching-magazine-concludes-hours-rest-us.html
And when you hear about the hours that those young city boys and girls work, moving straight from the office to the bar and back to the office to make high-pressured decisions, it does seem that something is wrong.
That does not support family time or mothers or children and explains why women are often faced with very difficult choices when it comes to employment. What I can't figure out is why men are not faced with those same choices.
As far as I can tell, it is no more acceptable for fathers to be working those hours either. We shouldn't be changing the system to be supporting women, we should be changing this system to support families. Women can't compete with their male counterparts working silly hours to suggest it is necessary to do so.
I don't think that as women, or feminists, we should be asking for better childcare provision for our jobs, we should be expecting anyone who has children to put the hours in at home.
Until our expectations of men improve, we can't expect equality of opportunity, or expect comprehensive representation in parliament.
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